My mind is not on the present.

I am still in Amsterdam in my head and heart and I am thus feeling very distant from the here and now. My common sense advises that I snap out of it but my heart wants more of the life I witnessed in Amsterdam.

I wonder if I would be a fool to explore relocating to Amsterdam for a year or two (or forever). Surely the day to day life would be a much different experence than my visit.... yet it still seems such a wonderful adventure.

So I wallow in my longings and desires.... all the time aware that a piece of my heart was left behind in the most beautiful city I have known. I feel incomplete.

On a completely seperate topic, Kevin is missing.

For all I know he and Padme are still holed up in that dark, dank apartment at 4226 20th st, however I have had no contact with him in weeks and I am beginning to wonder if he hasn't left for Texas to live with his Father. Part of me wants to go check on him and part of me wants to be rid of him for good.

I have taken care of him for several years and resentment grew deep roots in my heart... yet the resentment can never overpower the love I feel for him and Padme. I've given up hope for and in him.... but still I want him happy (or as close to happy as he is capable of being) and healthy and safe.


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