Yesterday I sang my sweet ass off and Jen was on one side of the church and Kevin on the other. It was nice considering I sent out three emails about the show and a few other people I assumed would be there weren't. Walking upstairs in line I felt tears welling in my eyes because I knew that most of my people wouldn't be there. I don't know.... I'm losing faith in everyone.... but there they were and it made me feel like there was a reason for being with the chorus.

Today I have an ear infection and my whole being is disturbed. No center of balance and a whole lot of pain.

I ate corndogs for dinner and tried to make some peace with Jess's mom but she fucked it up in her usual way. Still no sign of leaving.

Need to get laid What is wrong with me that I can't even get laid in this fuckin' town?

Sunday is gloomy - my hours are slumberless.
Dearest the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you.
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?
Gloomy Sunday.

Sunday is gloomy - In shadow I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all.
Soon there'll be flowers and prayers will be said, I know.
Let them not weep. Let them know I am glad to go,
Death is no dream for in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you.
Gloomy Sunday.

Dreaming
I was only dreaming.
I wake and I find you asleep
in the deep of my heart - darling - I hope that my dream hasn't haunted you
My heart is telling you how much I've wanted you
Gloomy sunday.....

Thats how I feel today but for who?? A few names come to mind.
If you don't know the song, you should hear it. Billie Holliday does the best version. Sinead's is bad ass too. LISTEN TO IT!