Fighting off another cold.
Actually, I think I've stopped fighting and I'm getting attacked now by germs.
It's got me feeling like I'm walking underwater.... slightly disconnected.

I have been thinking about the future. My life.
I feel myself getting older. In the past 3 weeks I have noticed my hair is turning silver at an alarming rate. It's more silver than black to my eyes now. It betrays how I feel inside. The fact that I have packed far too much living into my 29 years. My heart, my soul and my body feel closer to 40.

Lately I've found myself thinking...."Huh. So, this is it?" This is life. It's never going to get much better than it is now..... and this is something I can't even find the energy to be depressed about. It's more of an acceptance.... Those big dreams... being a fucking actor... rock star... Someone.... They're gone. Really gone. In their place is the acceptance of the fact that I am always going to be a slave to the grind... 9-5 baby.... clockwatching my life away.

Somehow I am getting old, man.
Fuck.

I no longer look for or aspire to finding a love that will sweep me off my feet. It's not going to happen... and if it did, I'd land on my ass from being swept off my feet, crack my head on the floor and pass out.... and in a crowded resteraunt or something.

Could it be that the best has passed and all I can aspire to is status quo??
Will I consider it a good day, week or year because nothing rocked the boat too hard?

And why..... Why, oh Why aren't I depressed over this?


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