I checked my email yesterday and learned that my friend Chris had died of a drug overdose. He had been in jail for the past 6 months.... he got out last week.... it only took him about 7 days to kill himself.

The horrible thing about speed is that you're never 100% free from the addiction. It's always there in the shadows, ready to pounce. Ready to destroy.

Chris was sober while in jail. He probably thought his body could still handle the drugs in the quantity he was using them in before. They couldn't. He died of heart failure on Thursday morning.

I met Chris one night while walking to score some drugs. He was a beautiful young man.... funny, smart and sweet. We had a brief love affair..... but his love of drugs was greater than mine and when he realized I wanted off the merry-go-round, he moved on to other friends..... we kept in touch until he went to jail.....

He resurfaced the night before he died.... emailing me..... telling me he was safe and happy. I had hope in my heart that he truly was. He died a sad, horrible death. I can only hope in my heart now that he is at peace.

This news has grounded me. Made me realize how lucky I am to be alive. How many times did I have heart palpatations while getting high? How many times did I black out from being up for 3 days..... how close to dead was I?

I had to call my mother yesterday and tell her how sorry I am that I put her at risk of having to bury her son. I reached out to my friends..... they aren't reaching back. But it's all ok. I've got my shit on track now..... sad that someone had to die to make me realize........
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