Been a pretty rough week.
Today is my last day of work and I have a fever. My head and body are begging for rest but I have to keep plugging away. Sadness isn't helping me.....

Why is it that after working so hard to clean up I am losing everyone I care about? The friends I love are the reason I chose to fight my addiction and be a better man..... yet they hold me at arms length. Is it not enough to just be a good person? To be a kind person? To be there for my friends when they need me??? What have I done wrong??

I've noticed that people aren't flocking to be near me....... and I guess Jen and I are going to have a talk about it tomorrow. Part of me wants to just forget it...... I don't know if I can stand the pain of losing more people, much less have to listen to the reasons why I suck. Part of me wants to just flee and never look back.

Part of me doesn't want her or anyone else to know how badly it hurts to be sober and suddenly unsure how to interact with people. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to feel alone anymore.

What makes this hard is that I know that I am a flawed guy. I know that I harbor a lot of sadness and anger that I bottle up..... but I do my best to make my friends happy.... I try, every day, to be a good man. I don't get this........... I don't understand why my relationships are all falling apart!

Why is it that when you need love and compassion they fly out the window?

">
(<$BlogItemCommentCount$>) comments