AN OPEN LETTER OF APOLOGY

To whom it may concern.... (and there are a few of you)

I am sorry that I have not been myself of late. 2004 was a hard year, filled with change and challenge... I have not adjusted as well as I'd like to. I faced my demons and fought my way back from the edge of death. If someone had told me a year ago that I'd be drug free and employed.... Working as hard as I am.... I'd have laughed. Somehow deep down I believe that I was aware of the fact that I was committing slow suicide.... And then one moment of clarity saved me.

Everything about the world seems different now. The way my brain works is not the same... I am not sure of anything that I once believed. My world is filled with doubt... most of it is self doubt. I still see myself in a very ugly light. There are scars from this I will always wear and some that will heal in time. I can't help but feel like I am toxic. I can't help but feel like I am worthless.... all I can do is try, try and try to regain my self-respect and the respect of the people I love.

I ask that you be patient with me. Understand that I am learning how to live life in a completely different way... I am working so hard everyday not to become overwhelmed... I am going to have setbacks... I may offend... but I am going to strive to be better....

Please have patience with me as I would do the same for you.

Much regret and more Love...

Eric

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