LETTING GO AND LETTING GOD...

I've been learning a few hard lessons these past few weeks.

You can't change other people. You can't resort to threats, ultimatums or even pleas. It won't help get anything done and the more you try the more negative energy you burn. Sometimes you just gotta know when to give up and ride it out. This is how I am feeling about the Kevin situation. He is doing very little to keep the apartment clean..... well, that's not true..... when I cried he did manage to clean the grime and nasty crap up.... but getting him to remove the clutter would be like getting me to kill a kitten. Just something that'll never happen......

It really became clear to me when Josh and Ryan came over that it does piss me off.... they looked around and I was clearly aware of the pity they felt for me. The place is dark and cluttered. It's totally un-condusive to comfortable living...... BUT, I have been making myself sick trying to get Kevin to change and it's not going to help so I have to learn to let it go.....

I met up with Josh and Ryan at the park yesterday so that they could play with Padme.... Padme and I met a dog named Hank who was very handsome. Padme liked him. I liked his owner, Tim. Tim was sexy as hell (in my book) and seemed to be slightly flirty with me. Josh seconded this.... but before I could ask him out I learn of his ex-girlfriend.

OUCH!

It's rare that I engage in talk with a hot guy as easily as I did yesterday and I got shot down. It kinda stung - mainly because my sexual M.O. has changed in light of my sober lifestyle. I no longer fear an emotional connection. I want to have a date, I wanna talk.... then I wanna shag. I used to be able to get laid like that (SNAP) but now all the rules are changed.

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