"Thank you for this bitter knowledge
Guardian angels have left me stranded.
It was worth it.... feeling abandoned.
Makes one harden..... but.....
What is happening to love?"

I am lost.
Nothing is right.
Lost my home and a few thousand bucks in Cheryl's games.... I went to the eviction defence collective yesterday and they told me I had no way of keeping the apartment unless I named myself in the suit.... which would make me responsible for all the back rent if the case didn't come out in my favor. So this really nice kid is going over this info with me and I just felt my eyes watering.... hands shake..... I lost it...... because Cheryl ain't going to pay me back and I have no place to go.
Jess and I talked and decided we'll sell off her shit but Jess is laying claim to things left and right that need to be included in the sum total we can get for all Cheryls things..... she doesn't agree and is being really stand-offish. I don't think she understands that I have nobody who can or will help me and I don't have a kid to help me sponge off the government.
I worked my first shift and the Nob Hill today.
Cleaning dried cum off walls at 9am isn't fun. Takes a lot of elbow grease (and not the lube).....
Tomorrow I go back and learn to run the lights/DJ booth.
They said the other day it'd be a 26 hour a week job then today I find I'll be getting 16 hours. Now I am thinking about dancing on a stand by basis. Sure, I'd get molested by old men and shit but I've been doing that since I was 3 so I can disconnect.......( ok-bad joke)...... the thing is.... I can't leave SF while down for the count. I fear that if I do I will never have the balls to take a chance again.

I am so lost. I am so scared.
Where is the love I put out there going and why isn't it coming back to me?
I'm checking out for a while.
The air will do me good.