Life is like a box of chocolates..... I bite into it and it's not what I was expecting so I spit it out.

So much has gone down. Got fired. That sucks on one hand and is a revelation on the other. I didn't realize the extent that UBH drained me. Now that I am free of the day to day bullshit I am relaxing, drawing, singing, jerking off.... All the little things that I couldn't do at 100% with that evil place's energy on me. It's true that I have no money saved and I'm dealing with that reality more and more with every dollar I spend. But I think it's going to be ok. I rearranged my bedroom, cleaned out all my junk. Feeling like I'm getting this train back on track.

I got dressed up as a Post Modern Tin Man for halloween. It was kinda fresh for a costume I threw together in 2 hours. The Castro was (as usual) a madhouse. Because it was Friday night it was a little more than I've seen it. Josh, Jen, Darcey and 2 of their coworkers (names slip me) met me here at home and we walked down. Hit the Mix for a few beers. Josh as Dolly Parton (with singing boobs, thank you very much) Jen as a present ( fitting as her friendship is the gift that keeps giving) and Darcey as a Geisha. We were a hot lil' band. I got seperated from them when I stopped to say Hi to someone. I thought I could keep my eye on Josh's big blond wig but that didn't work as there were 1000 blond wigs swirling around. I gave up looking for them after a little bit and headed home.....

Got the feeling that my babies thought I ditched them. I feel guilty because I can see how my recent attitude and actions would lead them to that thought..... I really don't wanna be that guy who brings everyone down so I've hung back and in turn I think I have become "That guy". BUT..... That is all over now. When Josh gets back from N.O. we're all going to throw down and it's going to be all good.

Talked to my Dad tonight. He abused me as a kid because I was the living proof that his true love bailed on him and he settled for my mom. It was an ugly relationship between us for so long. The older I get the more I understand him and I find myself able to forgive. If he was different when I was growing up I wouldn't be the man I am today...... and for the first time in a long time I must say I am a hell of a guy and I'm happy to be me...... scars and all.

"I CRIED WHEN I HAD NO SHOES UNTIL I SAW A MAN WITH NO FEET...... AND THEN I LAUGHED REALLY HARD!" Jerri Blank