Sometimes.... I don't always like being alive.... not a suicidal statement.... just a fact

I feel beaten down by life. I feel like everytime I get back up I am kicked back to the ground. I don't want to be defeatist here, but I wonder how many times I can get back up. The past year or so it has been one thing after another.....BAM, BAM, BAM! The small bits of goodness that I get go so fast..... What I need is something good to happen that is BIG GOOD.... as big in scale as this Identity theft / federal agents disaster.

Friday I was put on final warning at my job - they said it was an issue of being late.... but they are saying that if I am supposed to be there at 6:30am that that time is when I should be all settled in with my computer on and all that. I get there at 6:30 and am ready within 5 minutes..... they are using that as grounds for saying that if I am so much as a minute past start time without being 100% set I am fired. Calling in sick will also mean I lose the job.
Sure, I can crack down on myself and deal with it like that..... what I am go bent about is the stress this gives me and the glib "too bad" attitude of my bosses. This is a game to see how long I can make it or how much shit I'll take. They should have just fired me.
I went to a chorus retreat all day Saturday which was ok.
Slept through Josh's dinner.
Can't sleep.
Feel isolated.
I don't want it to be like this.
I am not a miserable bitter person
I have love .....

love love love
Theres nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing