Been out of work most of the week. Sick days are much less fun when you feel like shit.
Spent the better part of tonight trying to masturbate but it ain't workin' out for me. Got too much on my mind. Feeling like I'm at a transfer point in life and I don't know which connecting train to take.
I am not the type of person to want to jump right into a relationship when i meet a guy. My ex, Kevin, told me days after my best friend was killed that he couldn't be my boyfriend due to my instability. At the single most painful moment of my life I found myself with nobody to lean on as I mourned Wyatt's death. The chance that someone would do that to me again freaked me out so I just put up a wall.
Jason cracked through that wall and made me feel safe offering my heart. The same day I had that realization he says he's moving to Amsterdam on 10/9. A week from now he will be gone from my life and I don't wanna believe it's happening. I never felt the feeling he stirs in me. He makes me feel sexy. I catch him checking me out. He catches me checking him out. - See, it's never been both ways with other guys. There was always one who likes the other more. - But he must go and if fate is kind he'll come back.
Ok, so that's what I'm telling myself to make it feel ok. I wanna cry. I wanna see him everyday before he leaves but he's seemed to pull back. We're spending one night together this weekend and then that's that. This is going to hurt more before it gets better........